trusting

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This has been a year of listening. Gauging the value of my thoughts over my body’s wisdom. Passing the two back and forth, seeking answers. I’ve realized its best to never make a decision out of fear. Our bodies know that we need to take a pause before we do. That knowing arrives in insomnia, a flipping of your gut, heat in your throat or tension in your brow. I sense my loss of body/mind harmony when I make knee jerk reactions to emotionally fraught situations. This is patterning developed from feeling that I need to have an answer right away or something will go wrong. Things become black and white, do or die. This rigid way of being does not match the world’s complexities. I am learning to be okay in the gray, and to give myself room to decide what’s best. Balancing observations and assessments with my intuition, which is quiet. The distinction between intuition and anxiety is stark-the former is like a rising wave that gently breaks over the mind until it reaches my awareness, whereas the latter is like hammering nails into the wall, loud and seemingly purposeful but I am too close to the task to have any clue as to what I’m doing. Chaos.

Working with herbs engages this process of checking in with your body’s wisdom. From choosing a tea or deciding what to spice your meals with, you’re asking your body what it needs. Nurturing yourself and therefore creating a relationship of trust. Feeling safe in your body is crucial for forward momentum and making choices that are in alignment with your true desires. Taking care in this way comes in the from of food and herb choices but also in activity and relationships. I am still working to ask myself throughout the day if my next step is coming from my own volition or if it is being determined by an external force. It is a constant mantra-is this what I want? Does this feel good to me?

I have daily practices that make me feel safe and well taken care of. Plant medicine creates my safety net, a force field, my armor. I am deliberate in the preparations I choose to take to create this space for myself. I also believe that anything that is alive in cell energy takes on your intention for it. When I take my herbs and supplements, and when I eat my food, I think about what I’m hoping it will do for me. St. John’s wort to lift my anxiety and fight viruses, milk thistle to support my liver, tulsi and rose to soften my heart. Beets to cleanse my blood, mint tea to support my digestion, green salad to mineralize my tissues. Once you begin to view yourself as having a relationship with these elements, their power in healing and helping you is amplified.

My current line of defense is as follows:

-elderberry+astragalus oxymel for antiviral and adaptogenic properties

-reishi/chaga/shitake vanilla honey elixir for immune health and spirit lift

-nettle + oat straw overnight herbal infusion for hydration, nervous system and adrenal support

-tulsi + rose elixir for the heart, pleasure medicine

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